The definition of sadness

I’m not good at expressing feelings, especially when it comes to negative terms such as sad, mood-down, angry or depressed. Maybe that’s the reason why sometimes I feel totally empty inside and that’s a void that I can’t put aside or forget about. It’s just there, as a blank space, snipping my time and energy.

Finland is a sad country. It really is, with 30% GDP down in three consecutive years and more than 16% of unemployment rate since the death of Finnish sweet girl named Nokia. The country itself is struggling with its fake-ass title of being a Scandinavian while nobody recognizes it. We learn in our text book that Finland is an outsider of the Nordic region, perhaps the Danish, Swedish and Norwegian just decide that or perhaps, Finnish people don’t belong there, simple enough.

Such words, should not affect my decision of staying in Finland at all if it was not for a lousy procedure by Laurea’s recruitment service. I managed to get an intern position in a project in Laurea last week and was kicked out in the same week too. It’s like they let me fantasize about a chocolate bar for a few days then take it away. The whole process was terrible, as I invested so much time into the test while I’m busy with the thesis, and had to endure a meaningless afternoon, while it was supposed for the thesis too! Finally, when everything cannot be worse, the project manager sent an email, informing that they can’t hire me due to a mistake in the process and blame me for not having checked everything. Come on, it’s so easy to be the one who made the decision, isn’t it? Because everything is somebody else’s fault. Why don’t you work out your system before wasting everyone’s time like that? It’s atrocious.

Slowly, I’m turning into a Finnish. I’m getting grumpier and start hurting people I love. “Stay away from the poison” they said. It’s time to move.

Helsinki, 10.2015.

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